Today is my birthday. I’m turning 39. Let’s just leave that there for a second…
Actually, I don’t feel bad about my age. I have no problem with me getting older. Instead I find that age brings a sense of calm that I didn’t have when I was younger.
I look a “young people” today and think that they’re chasing strange things in life. The perfect body, the perfect life, the recognition, the attention. What they’re really looking for is their core, their inner sense of who they are. And you cannot find that in the eyes of other people. But if you can’t feel your core, your true self, your values, it seems easy to look for them outside of yourself. But you won’t find it there. I know that because I searched in vain for years.
This is no criticism. Every age has its charm. And I remember clearly how that felt. If I could go 10 years back in time, I would tell myself to relax. And lighten up. To trust the process. I remember feeling insecure that I would ever find my place in life and at the same time, I always had this little voice whispering in my ear that everything was going to be okay. And that good things were waiting for me. But for many years I didn’t have the courage to listen. If I had listened, I would have dared to trust the process and I would have dared to look at the hard times as something that was preparing me for the things to come.
As you can tell, I’m turning 99 – not 39 😉
LAST YEAR OF MY 30’S
So even though I don’t have a complex about my age, starting the last year of my 30’s still gets me thinking.
My 30’s have been crazy as I suspect they are for many people. I had my years with small children, I spent years chasing a career and I held busy jobs, I stopped and changed path, wrote 5 (!) books and finally found my place in my own little business. Something I never ever dreamed of would happen. I am in a completely different place than I would have thought had you asked me 10 years ago.
So in a year, I’ll start my 40’s. I’m looking forward to it but I also still have a few things that I would like to settle before this time next year. I guess that’s just part of progressing in life.
My day today started with the most delicious breakfast.
And the finest presents. I can’t remember the last time I woke up on my birthday to that many presents.
The kids made the most adorable gifts for me. Silas made a little notebook with my initials on the cover and on the first page he wrote a sweet letter saying that he loves me all the way to the moon and back. Vega made a little handmade paper box with a pearl magnet and a homemade card with lots of fine little details. So happy!
Unfortunately there won’t be much celebration today. My sister is coming for dinner tonight and I haven’t decided yet if I’m cooking or if we’re going out. After eating restaurant food for 3-4 days in Madrid, my feelings go towards staying in but we’ll see!